3.13.24

🍺Woodlawn Tap aka Jimmy’s aka St. James Chapel: An institution. Take Me to Church! 🙏🙏 1172 E 55th St, Chicago, IL 60615

11.2.23

🍺Carola's Hansa Clipper🍺 4659 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60625
💋Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋Positives: Oktoberfest all year long! Prost to 70s German vibes yah. Guten Tag, meine Freunde of fermented fantasies! Have you ever dreamt of jet-setting to Germany without the expense or jetlag? Well, look no further than the Hansa Clipper, the dive bar that'll have you thinking you've teleported to Deutschland faster than you can say "Schnitzel with a side of sauerkraut!" Dogs welcome, especially schnauzers. Beer stein emoji IRL. German draft beers on tap & homemade jager bombs.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Oktoberfest all year long! No pool table. Touchtunes, I prefer ye old jukebox.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: First opened in the 70s and it looks like no updates since then. Didn't see any David Hasselhoff tchotchkes.

5.10.23

🍺Phyllis' Musical Inn🍺 1800 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Come for the dad beers, stay for the live music. Depending on the night, pick from dad rock, jazz, poetry or a secret fourth thing. Fish tank bar nerds, there's a big one! Quaint outdoor beer garden where sometimes you can play basketball. Old school cash register and the tamale guy may appear. Hamm's beer @hammsthebeer: $2.50 Chicago Handshake: $9

💋Negatives: No old school jukebox or pool tables. Cash only- I am lazy.

💋 Fun Facts: Open since 1954 (69 years of service joke) and Wicker Park’s oldest live music venue. A Nelson Algren haunt. Buddy Guy played here. A 1987 Michael J. Fox film had scenes shot here. Veruca Salt played its first-ever gig here @verucasaltband. Maybe one day I'll be on stage there. Follow @phyllismusicalinn!

2.28.23

🍺Continental Lounge🍺 2801 W Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL 60622
🐾🐾🐾
Since I have only been to the @the.continental once, I didn't feel qualified to give a proper review. I asked my furry friend @zerothepom for a review and he graciously obliged. I interpret the review below as 5 bones! p.s. There are pool tables, but dogs don't play pool.
🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴
Hi!!! I grew up on a bar stool at this 4am dive! And learned all my tricks from some of my fav bartenders in the city right here! They always give me treats or pizza crust!
We like to hang out there on the early side so my dad can get a cocktail (his favorite is the old fashioned but don’t try to order it if it’s busy after midnight) and I also get to meet fluffy dog friends before midnight too! Also, there is a secret outdoor patio! And most Friday and Saturdays one of my favorite food trucks is parked outside and they always give me a delicious cheese quesadilla.
🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

2.1.23

🍺439 Nightclub🍺 - 439 N Ogden Ave, Chicago, IL 60642
Score: 🥃🥃🥃.5
💋💋💋
Positives: NOT a nightclub. Permanent thirst trap art above the bar. Pool table heaven in a hole in the wall AND open until 3AM 👀. You can pair your Michelada with a Malort shot. Kinda empty.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Official name online is 439 Nightclub, but the sign clearly states 439 Tavern. Touchtunes only - no old school jukebox. Cash only- I am lazy. Kinda empty.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: 82% chance of mariachi music & might be closed even if the OPEN neon sign is glowing.

🍺 Sovereign Liquors🍺 6202 N Broadway, Chicago, IL 60660
Score: 🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Grimy carpet. It was pretty empty when I went mid-week and the owner told me to stop being weird. I told him that I simply couldn't stop. It's an excellent place to go if you watched too many episodes of The Crown and need an excuse to use the word Sovereign. Old school bartender dude is chill. Chicago Handshake: $8
💋Negatives: Grimy carpet. No pool table. Cash only- I am lazy.
💋Fun Facts: Jukebox is rad and has some random person's CD mix tape. Outdoor sign is vintage 1950's.

🍺Archie's Rockwell Tavern- 2600 W Iowa St, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋Positives: Archie is your friend with benefits. We're sharing cheese balls and we're snuggling with doggies. The cheeseballs are magical ya cheeseballs! Midwestern hometown bar energy (emphasis on cozy home feels) with giant ornamental swordfish. Was Archie a fisherman? Gender neutral bathrooms, but one doesn't have toilet paper, so choose wisely. Divey bonus points for the pool table & old school cash register. Word on the street is that Archie's transformed into Ollie's for the Chicago Fire show. Hiiiiii @chicagofire_nbc! Malort on the shelf. Chicago Handshake: $7, but there's a $6 handshake happy hour special Tues-Friday.
💋 Negatives: The old school jukebox is present, but it was broken. Big sad.
💋 Fun Facts: Archie’s is the proud owner of Chicago liquor license No. 177 and has been in business since 1943. This lovely establishment is currently run by the daughter of the original owner. Archie's claims to be Chicago's leading seller of Hamm's beer. What's up @hammsthebeer? Follow @archies.chicago for premium cheeseball content! 🍺Rainbo Club- 1150 N Damen Ave, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋Positives: I was recently there on a Wednesday night and it is a perfect date night dive. Kissy time in the red vinyl booths. My first impression back is that it's cleaner, but not to worry it's still the same loveable Rainbo. I love a dive bar with the thrift store smell. Music wise- no jukebox, but there is a record player and bartender selected groovy tunes. For the record, Rainbo had the photo booth before everyone had the photo booth. Indie art gallery energy with artwork displayed by local artists. There's a beautiful white ornamental stage and a history of rock royals chilling here. Wooden bathroom door has a rusty sliding latch (please don't change this). No windows, so it is perfectly dark. Gorgeous neon sign. If you are an artist, aspiring artist, or lover of the arts, you must go to Rainbo. Oh, I almost forgot, there is an adorable PBR bowling pin beer tap, so you know you are home. $3 PBR Draft. Chicago Handshake: $7
💋Negatives: No pool table. Cash only- I am lazy. Cash only places do warm my heart, but it is less convenient than plastic or crypto (joke).
💋Fun Facts: Speakeasy & burlesque show roots, but Rainbo was born in 1985. Pre-Rainbo, the space was one of Nelson Algren's haunts. Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville conceived at Rainbo @lizphairofficial. The 2000 movie High Fidelity had scenes shot here. Cool calendar for sale supporting the Chicago Food Depository @fooddepository. Visit during the holidays for the delightful xmas display. Open until 2AM. Follow @real_rainboclub for happenings. ng>rong> 🍺Bernice's Tavern- 3238 S Halsted St, Chicago, IL 60608
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋Positives: BEWARE! Do not anger the ghost at Bernice's. A bar patron once asked Steve, the owner, if the bar was haunted. At that very moment, a Miller beer clock started smoking and caught on fire. True story. The sassy barmaid put me in my place when I asked for a Chicago Handshake and I savored every minute. Real deal old school jukebox with binder reference (bonus divey points for handwritten selections). Live music, bingo aka Stingo, artwork and tchotchkes on the walls. Bring your divey activity partner here, you will not be disappointed. The aesthetic is obscure 80s movie vibe/junk collection decor combo. Stingo Stinger: $6 (PBR & Quality House Whiskey). Chicago Handshake: $9.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Traffic light was not on. No pool table. Cash only- I am lazy.
💋💋💋
Fun facts: Bernice and John got married and had a bar in 1965 (Steve is one of the bar babies). Before it was Bernice's, it was Adam's Place. Before it was Adam's Place, it was a funeral home -spoooooky! Before it was a funeral home, it was a corn field. Solid post White Sox game hang. The lady drinking whiskey painting behind the bar is dated to the Prohibition era.

trong>8.18.21

🍺Half Shell- 676 W Diversey Pkwy, Chicago, IL 60614
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Eat oysters, love longer. (insert raw joke here) The women's bathroom has a surprise bathtub and that's the real reason why I am reviewing this marine dive. I absolutely love raw oysters and at Half Shell you can pair raw oysters with your Chicago Handshake. FYI the raw oysters are Bluepoint only. It is a literal ocean dive with deep sea Christmas light decor and a vintage cash register. Oysters are fresh, not divey. Outdoor seating available. King Crab on the shell shelf. Chicago Handshake: $12.50
💋💋💋
Negatives: I wish they had more oyster options, but you can't beat the shellfish prices. Cash only- I am lazy. Touchtunes- I prefer ye old jukebox.
💋💋💋
Fun facts: It's in the basement of a Lakeview building. One family has owned the restaurant since 1968. Claims to be the longest running crab house in Chicago. Great place to make shellphone jokes. Follow @halfshellchicago!
💋💋💋

>

Rossi's 2021 update!💋💋💋🍺

Rossi’s Liquors- Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5💋Positives:

Forever the cozy, dingy dive treasure in River North. I have a soft

spot for payphones and this one is still broken. "Feelings" neon sign

was found in an alley and now lives above the booze fridges. It’s a

Chicago slashie with year round Christmas lights. Guaranteed fun crowd

with regulars. $3.50 PBR tall boy. $6 well drinks and Nick, the

bartender, pours to win. Give love to Barman Nick

. Opens at 7AM. Chicago Handshake: $10.💋💋💋Negatives:

New door and floors, but don't worry Rossi's soul is still intact. No

pool table. Cash only- I am lazy. Touchtunes- I prefer ye olde jukebox.

💋💋💋Fun facts: A lesbian once caressed my hair here. Regulars get to pick music playlists. Look for

stickers and come add yours to the new door. The building dates to the

late 1800s. Rossi's has had the same owner for the last 25 years, but no

one seems to know when it first opened. Follow

.

412 N State St, Chicago, IL 60654

@rickjjansen

@chicagodivediva@rossisliquors

7.14.21

🍺He Ain't Here Lounge- 2661 Decatur St, Lake Station, IN 46405
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋💋💋
Positives: Cigarette smoke and no bullshit. The beer is chilled on genuine ice cubes. Tasty greasy diner food and divey coffee in taupe 1970s mugs. Full breakfast of 2 eggs, pancakes, and ham for $5.25. Mary Lou, the barmaid, is the real deal and the regulars are quite friendly. Is this a film set? Opens at 7AM. Pool table. I feel like Indiana has a unique definition of lounge.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Cigarette smoke and it’s unavoidable. It's near New Chicago, Indiana, which is about a 40 min drive from old Chicago. They asked if Malort is a type of whiskey. No Chicago Handshake :(. Bathrooms are surprisingly clean. Cash only- I am lazy. Touchtunes- I prefer ye olde jukebox.
💋💋💋
Fun fact: He ain't here!

7.7.21

🍺 L&L Tavern- 3207 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60657
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
Positives: Anthony Bourdain tried his first Malört here. If that's not enough for you, please stop reading. L&L is a delightfully dark and filthy Chicago landmark. The jukebox aahhhh. I would die for that jukebox. If someone is playing @portisheadmusic on repeat, it's probably me. Multitude of cash only signs. Decor is high class shit beer memorabilia. The vinyl bar stools deserve to be displayed in an art gallery. Stellar service from the barmaid @mzndoom. Malort & Agwa on the shelf. $2.50 beer every day! Chicago Handshake: $10.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Google says it's the creepiest bar in America. Go home Google, you are drunk. No pool table. Cash only- I am lazy. Punkin' Donuts across the street is gone.
💋💋💋
Fun facts: Rumored to be the old stomping grounds of John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer (hunting grounds?). Named after the original owners: Lefty and Lauretta. Only three owners since the 1950s The jukebox is no longer free, but worth every penny. Chicago Institution Alert: this is the first dive that I have reviewed that has a Wikipedia page. Low key 🏳️‍🌈 bar. Follow @landltavern!

6.22.21

🍺 Loop Tavern- 1610 W Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🐐
💋Positives: Heed the call of the blinking giant arrow sign. I cannot resist the vintage Chicago amazingness of the exterior. OG Chicago slashie member that opens at 7AM everyday except Sunday. Divey authenticity points: barmaid was grumpy at first, but she cracked a smile when I started asking questions about the local artist that had displayed their @millerhighlife artwork near the Touchtunes. Lotto tickets and chips as a treat. On any given day, there is a 90% chance that someone will offer to buy you a drink. Chicago Handshake: $8
💋💋💋
Negatives: Sadly, they made so many renovations during peak corona time, that it feels like a regular bar/liquor store. Loop Tavern definitely used to be a dive, but now it just feels very regular inside. The floors and bar top look new! Sadness. No pool table. Cash only- I am lazy. Touchtunes- I prefer ye olde jukebox.
💋💋💋
Fun facts: Not in the Loop. There has been a bar in this location for the last 100 years.

5.5.2021

🍺 Chipp Inn- 832 N Greenview Ave, Chicago, IL 60642
Score:🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋💋💋
💋Positives: Welcome to old Chicago. This *might* be the oldest bar in Chicago, depending on who you speak with. The bar has been in the same cute house building since the late 1800s. An Old Chicago Beer sign is displayed proudly as proof of old Chicago credibility. What on earth is Old Chicago Beer? It's delightfully grimey and has cozy small town Wisconsin bar vibes. The old timey cash register and vintage specials menu combo is my love language. Unofficial largest collection of PBR memorabilia in Chicago, including the rare PBR jalopy. (I made this up). Come here to down Chicago handshakes until we can't remember each others' names. The owners appear to have an affinity for neon beer signs. Pool table. Craft beers and loveable shitty beers! Malört on the shelf. Chicago Handshake: $7.
💋💋💋
💋Negatives: Too many windows- I prefer darkness. Cash only- I am lazy. Touchtunes- I prefer ye olde jukebox.
💋💋💋
💋Fun Facts: Wooden bar and bar back date to the late 1800s and were manufactured in a Chicago factory. Yes, it used to be a speakeasy. Follow @thechippinn!

3.17.2021


🍺The Irish Mill- 26592 N, IL-83, Mundelein, IL 60060
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
🍀🍀🍀
💋Positives: It's a fake Irish windmill. What more do you really need? Divesters, is this the diviest dive bar? Until I stepped foot inside "The Mill", I didn't know that I needed an awesomely divey fake Irish windmill bar in my life. Towney bar feel, but there's no town. The fake Irish windmill is totally isolated. Trash decor with Irish character. Notable skeleton in a birdcage on display year-round, not just Halloween. Malört on the shelf. Slot machines. They have a St. Patty's Day celebration (info on Facebook page) and outdoor seating. Rumor has it that the fish fry is excellent. Stiff drinks with a decent Irish whiskey menu. Mini stage with live music sometimes.
🍀🍀🍀

💋Negatives: It's in the middle of nowhere, but it is technically Chicagoland. The bartender said "What is a Chicago Handshake?". I let this go since we were inside a fake Irish windmill. Slot machines. No pool table. Touchtunes- no old school jukebox.
🍀🍀🍀
💋Fun Facts: In the early 1900s, it was an actual inn. There's a mysterious house next door and a "Irish Mill Inn" sign. Bartender says that there has always been a bar inside the fake Irish windmill building. It is rumored to have been a speakeasy before the prohibition. Check out the rustic door knocker with the traditional Irish greeting "Cead mile failte," or "a hundred thousand welcomes."

12.17.2020

🍺 Cuneen's- 1424 W Devon Ave, Chicago, IL 60626
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Payphone is on my dive bar bingo card so you can imagine my sheer delight upon discovering a solid wood phone booth inside the bar!!! The payphone is delightfully broken, but please please please never remove it. Cuneen's is a wholesome dive bar- a true neighborhood joint that feels like home. Cozy log cabin vibes. While I was there, there were only regulars and myself. Everyone was super friendly and trading books. Is this the drunk book club I have been searching for? Music wise, it's the bartender's choice and they have a huge collection of vinyl. Vinyl gets mega divester points. Quaint outdoor patio with crawling ivy- hello cottage core. Bathroom has an adorable cork board with jokes pinned on it. Dog friendly. Pool table. It's always Mayor Daley o'clock- OG tick tock. Books & Malort on the shelf. $3 stiff well drinks. Chicago Handshake: $6
💋💋💋
Negatives: What are all of these living plants? It's so tidy and pleasant. How can I make bad decisions in such a wholesome bar? They got rid of the Old Style sign outside. :( Cash only.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: Established in 1972 as a "hippie bar". It was previously a candy shop- gosh, even the history is wholesome. Mr. Cuneen is real and hangs out there. He built a good portion of the furniture and stained glass light fixtures by hand.

10.28.2020

🌟 Gold Star Bar- 1755 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃.8
💋💋💋
Positives: The glorious golden glowing vintage neon sign promises entertainment and furnished rooms. Furnished rooms is possibly the code word for sex, because the place used to be a brothel. There were some whores in this house. Original key hook for the rendezvous keys remains intact along with the baseball bat to get rid of unruly brothel guests. No furnished rooms above, but you can rent an apartment upstairs if you are ok with intermittent laughing ghosts. No touchtunes- just a playlist. My favorite part of Gold Star is the gorgeous neon sign. Buy a shot of Malort and toast the iconic Chicago dive bar sign. Interior darkness level gets some gold stars. Red light district vibes in the bathroom. Pool table. Chill patio with a heater in front. Free popcorn. Bar bites available and I encountered a $10 hotdog/chips/ @halfacrebeer Bodem special. Craft beers. Chicago Handshake: $5
💋💋💋
Negatives: The extensive libation list makes my dive-o-meter angry. During lockdown, they eliminated the jukebox and cleaned up. If you ask me, too clean. The walls are so organized and barren. I prefer garbage treasure decor on the walls. The cheesy old painted storefront frame is gone. Bathrooms are not grimy with very little graffiti and there are candles lit. The existence of bathroom candles is faux dive territory. No PBR Tall Boy.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: Building was built in the 1870s and had a stint as a speakeasy. Always woman owned. Possible murder room in the basement. Famous regulars and possible ghost appearances: Nelson Algren, Art Shay and Baby Face Nelson, Al Capone’s brother. The Malört Negroni shot gets 5 gold stars.

10.14.2020

🍺 Innertown Pub- 1935 W Thomas St, Chicago, IL 60622
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋💋💋
Positives: Elvis has not left the building. He is wearing a mask playing his guitar in this frozen-in-time dive paradise. Starting with the outdoor vintage sign, the decor is peak flea market treasures. Do you like owl lamps? Have two. Do you like sexy vintage lady art? Have three. Do you like taxidermy? Got it. Maximum levels of cozy achieved indoors. Believe it or not, Innertown is a romantic dive. Bring your lover here ASAP. If your lover doesn't like dives, get a new lover. Easily the best dive bar bathroom in Chicago and *possibly* the coolest bathroom I have ever been in. Upon first entry to the bathroom, it looks like your typical dive bathroom. Graffitti ✅. Explicit Art ✅. Then you look up and the whole darn ceiling is gorgeous stained glass. Cozy dog-friendly back patio with heaters and The Tamale Guy (well, one of them) stops here. If you don't like tamales, order what you wish. Pool table. Old school cash register. Spiked hot cider (major coziness points++++). Chicago Handshake: $6
💋💋💋
Negatives: No Elvis mural outside. Touchtunes, but it was broken so that's a plus. They repaired the front entrance tile, so it's not grimy anymore. "Live, laugh, love" sign. Digital beer menu. No PBR tall boy. Cash only.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: The building was built in the 1890s and has always housed a tavern. It was a speakeasy for roughly 10 years. The same family has owned it for the last 40 years - major Cheers vibes. Possibly haunted by Mike, the last owner. I would like to request an application to move in.
💋💋💋 9.30.2020
🍺Nisei Lounge- 3439 N Sheffield Ave, Chicago, IL 60657
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋💋💋
Positives: 🎶 Take me out to Nisei (nee-say), Take me out with the crowd. Buy me some Malört and a Chicago Handshake. I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root root for Chicago. If they don't win, it's a shame. 🎶 My favorite bar in Wrigleyville by a looooong Malört shot. Neon and Old Style sign combo lures me in. Mini bottles of Malört and friendly pup selection- hello lover. No cocktails with more than 3 ingredients awards divester points. Cute hidden back patio with TVs. Drinking outside to the rattling of the L feels authentically Chicago. Lovingly mismatched tile floor. Pool table. Did I mention the dogs? Dog friendly (++puppy dive points)! Craft beers! Chicago Handshake: $8.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Normally they have a Malört altar made of 100 Malört bottles or 1000 mini bottles, but it's not up because of corona. I must return to bask in its glory. If you have been following along, I like my dives super dark and cave like. I'm not sure if it is as dungeony as I would like it (shakes fist at corona), so I'll just have to return post-pandemic for an update. Touchtunes- for the love of the Malört gods, someone buy Nisei a jukebox and old school payphone for Malörtmas.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: Established in 1951. Wrigleyville's oldest tavern and Chicago's oldest baseball bar. Go here for day and night baseball. Nisei's social media game hits it out of the park. Follow @niseilounge (same handle on Twitter too). Not sure what the plunging penguins are all about, but I like it.
💋💋💋

9.16.2020

🍺 Simon's Tavern- 5210 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60640
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃.5
💋💋💋
Positives: Winking neon Viking fish paired with vintage Simon's Tavern Est 1936 sign?! Just take my money. Simon's is like the wacky Epcot attraction after you complete the educational part of the country's pavilion. Inside is cozy dark and comfortably unclean. I dig the kitschy Swedish vibe. Everywhere you turn there is a Swedish flag. There's even a neon Swedish flag and I appreciate that kind of pride 🏳️‍🌈. Growling mounted bear head, because Vikings eat bear. I'm not sure how the Merlin lamp fits in, but I'm into it. Hipster approved crumbling fresco wallpaper. I happily glugged Glogg slushies on Simon's new patio and I'm definitely going back for the warm winter Glogg. Serious divester points for the old school cash register & real lightning bolt jukebox. The bathroom decor is grandma chic. Craft beers! Malört on the shelf, because it's awesomely Swedish.
💋💋💋
Negatives: NO CHICAGO HANDSHAKE?! At a Swedish place in Chicago, no less. The bartender actually said, "We don't do that here.", like it's some dirty thing. (grouchiness factor goes above in the positives section) No Swedish beer?! Only sweet Swedish pear cider?! I ordered a Swedish Fish Handshake (Rekorderlig Pear Cider & Malört) to try and kind of do that there. Who is Simon? Where is Simon? No Carl Jeppson shrine. I feel like Carl would have come here to hang with his Swedish buddies. No PBR Tall Boy. No pool table. Cash only.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: Established 1936 and only two owners! Simon's tavern was allegedly issued the first liquor license after the repeal of Prohibition (might have been the second one). Before that it was a speakeasy in the basement. Might be haunted! Swedish American Museum is across the street.
💋💋💋

8.25.2020

🍺Bialystok Pub- 3653 W Diversey Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Bialystok Pub is the place for Polish beer and a chance to polish your Polish. The owner was my bartender and she was grumpy (grumpiness gets divey authenticity points). The couple Polish words I served up got her to crack a smile (well, I think it was a semi-smile behind the mask). Inside is dark, cozy and adorned with a GIANT disco ball and cheesy quote signage. Chips & pretzel hors d'oeuvres. Love the glowy sign and jailbar window aesthetic. THE cutest curbside patio in Chicago consisting of two tables. TVs and trivia if that's your thing. Woman owned! Pool table! Malort on the shelf. Stiff well drinks: $5. Chicago Handshake: $7. Pierogi Handshake: $7 (Okocim beer). PBR Tall boy: $3.
💋Negatives: Touchtunes- I prefer ye olde time jukebox. The bartop is clean and newish looking. I asked the owner if she recently updated it and she said it's the original. What is this sorcery? The floors were not sticky. They normally have dive bar karaoke, but sadly that is on hold due to Covid-19.
💋Fun Facts: Bialystok Pub is named after the city in Poland where the owner immigrated from. This Logan Square/Avondale hideaway has had the same owner for over 30 years

8.12.2020

🍺Rock Island Public House- 13328 Old Western Ave, Blue Island, IL 60406
Score: 🥃🥃🥃.5
💋💋💋
Positives: The super friendly personalities at RIPH will make you feel warm and fuzzy, though the Malört shots may have helped. RIPH is taking Covid-19 safety seriously, which I greatly appreciate. Love the "Mask it or Casket" sign. Spacious patio with large colorful murals made by local artists Larry Dobson @larryurabastard and Kevin Demski @demski_art. Loads of eclectic art indoors and outdoors to fulfill all of your Instagram photo op needs. Killer Gold Medal Flour indoor mural on the exposed brick wall (see above). The kitchen was closed by the time I got there, but there is a full menu which includes a basic b*tch burger. A working photobooth! 30 songs for $1 on the CD jukebox (CD?!). Serious craft beer selection with local smaller breweries featured! Barrel Aged Malört on the shelf! Chicago Handshake: $9. PBR Tallboy: $4.50. Note: A plethora of pinball machines, but not open right now due to Covid-19.
💋💋💋
Negatives: Some may not consider it a true dive, but it's dive-ish enough and has history so give RIPH some love. Nuzzled next to the bar feels divey, but the rest of the space is less dive-ish and too clean. No pool table. Blue Island is kind of far away. When I hear the words "blue island", I picture a Mario land blue colored island. I didn't see any islands, blue or any other color, in Blue Island.
💋💋💋
Fun Facts: The building has been there forever. In 1896 a fire destroyed most of Blue Island’s commercial district, but this strip of the Olde Western Historic District was left intact. Bartender Mike says if there are any ghosts in the building, they are in the basement. p.s. Do Malört shots with Mike @mavanderbilt.

8.04.2020

🍺Go Tavern and Liquors- 3219 W Armitage Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Where are you going? "Go." Go where? "Just Go." Welcome to a Chicago slashie: half liquor store, half dive. They are taking Covid-19 safety seriously. I had my temperature taken and was appropriately spaced from the supremely cool patrons. The outdoor patio is delightful. Lovely lights and there is a park bench seating option for the novelty of sitting on a park bench and drinking! The colorful murals that surround the patio are all by local artists who are also regulars (Instagram photo op). Inside next to the bar is charming and the bartenders will make you feel like a regular. When you go to Go, look for Shorty. He's a neighborhood regular and has been working there for over 30 years (divey awesomeness points). I'm not sure if this is a positive or negative, but Go features the dangerous lure of a wall of chips and lotto tickets. Outstanding craft beer list. I'm not very good at drinking whiskey, but I was informed that they have an impressive whiskey/bourbon selection. If you are a TV person, there are four large TVs playing sports and olde time movies. Basic grocery items available?! Chicago handshake: $7.50. PBR Tall Boy: $3.25
💋💋💋
Negatives: When you get inside, look to the left and you are in a bar, look to the right and you are in a liquor store. If you are kind of in the middle and/or closer to the harsh light of the liquor fridges, it isn't too cozy. For those that always wanted to drink inside a liquor store, this is your place. No pool table. The name is hard to remember. In fact, I had forgotten that I had convinced my friends to go to a Star Wars pop up party at Go last year. Speaking of which-
💋💋💋
Fun facts: Go hosts themed divey pop-up parties. I attended the Star Wars May the Fourth party last year. The bartender in the half Chewie costume made me laugh. The brown paper bags hanging from the ceiling were possibly a nod to Endor? This slashie dive began in 1952 as Dorothy's Liquors and Go has been owned by the same family for the past 25 years. Ceiling tiles are decorated by regulars and one is by lo-fi pop musician Jimmy Whispers. @jimmywhispersxo

6.29.2020

🍺🍺 The Cove Lounge- 1750 E 55th St, Chicago, IL 60615
Score: 🥃🥃🥃.5
💋💋💋Positives: Dive into this fisherman's dive. This off the beaten bay dive may help you to avoid COVE-id. (sorry I had to go there) Come for the cove-ersation and the fishtastic stiff $4.50 well drinks. Eccentric fisherman's spear and fish taxidermy decor. Near the lake- dive in if you are taking a walk near Promontory Point. THE location for your next nautical themed celebration. Walking distance from MSI. You may run into some UChicago brains and/or White Sox fans. Craft beers! $3.00 PBR tall boy. Malort on the shelf. Dog friendly
💋Negatives: Super cool sign outside, but the neon lights are broken. :( The space is not particularly cozy and/or dimly lit. What's up with the indoor picnic tables? No pool table. Cash only. 💋Fun facts: Unexpected gigantor Obama mural. Low key Croatian bar.

3.12.2020

🍺Chatterbox of Long Grove- 330 Old McHenry Rd, Long Grove, IL 60047
Score: 🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: "I'm drunk & I'm in a barn!"- Me. Bartenders treat you like family-family members that give you buckets of compliments and alcohol. There's always a crowd in this busy little barn in sleepy Long Grove. Tasty fried bar food (see story). Rustic crap on the walls. Malort on the shelf. Decent craft beer selection. $2 PBR Tall Boy on Saturdays. Walking distance from @buffalocreekbrewing.
💋Negatives: Long trek from the city, but sometimes you NEED a faux farm adventure. Trick coins stuck to bar top (you got me). Not dingy enough. No pool table. Slot machines upstairs?!
💋Fun facts: There's a magician on Friday nights! Outdoor seating available (weather permitting). Super crowded during festival time.

3.10.2020

🍺Second Story- 157 E Ohio St #2, Chicago, IL 60611
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃

💋Positives:

Disco Ball. Mind you, the disco ball is next to the olive garden lamp

shades, but no matter, there is a disco ball, which awards many fabulous

personality points. Sex emoji neon signs for the gram. The coziest

place for cocktails (pun intended) in Streeterville. Entrance to bar

looks like you are entering an escape room/jail. Crowd is diverse &

super friendly. Come for the conversation. The bartender serves stiff

well drinks & he was too cool for school. Have a loooong boozy night

until 3AM on a Saturday.

💋Negatives: Ballsy move=no draft beers. Drinks are not typical dive prices: $7.50 for a Daisy Cutter. @halfacrebeer No PBR?!?! No pool table. Cash only.

💋Fun

fact: 🏳️‍🌈 Charming neighborhood bar for over 35 years. FYI: Bar

flies said it's a sardine can around St. Patrick's day, so either avoid

or dive in.

3.02.2020

🍺Rose's Lounge- 2656 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60614
Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Evil Malort snowman welcome. Feels like I'm drinking in my quirky friend's kitschy living room. Regulars look like they popped out of a classic 80s romantic comedy. Pool table. Two tables large enough for your favorite card/dice/board game. Christmas decorations in late February. $4 PBR tall boy.
💋Negatives: Too happy. The happiness level is bringing down the diveyness score. Definitely not dingy enough. Cash only.
💋Fun fact: There is a Rose and, (massive authenticity points), Rose was there (pictured next to Elvis wearing a Malort ornament around his neck)!! Rose makes @oldstylebeer cool style.
P.S. Rose is a doll!

2.27.2020

🍺Irish Eyes- 2519 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60614
Score: 🥃🥃🥃
💋Positives: Nasty carpet. From the outside, I feel like I'm entering a convenience store. Stiff well drinks. If by Irish Eyes, they mean blackout drunk eyes than this is an accurate name. Christmas decorations still up in late February and possibly year round. Loads of random garbagey decorations. Malort on the shelf. Instagram photo ops in all of the mirror signage. You can play darts and a punching bag game. $6 well drinks. $3.50 PBR Tall Boy. Credit card accepted.
💋Negatives: Nasty carpet. No pool table. For me this is not a true dive bar, but just a shitty Irish pub.
💋Fun fact: The bartender, Asher, pours to win. Give some love to 🍀 Asher @asherfreyman @eyespub P.S. I love @guinness

2.24.2020

🍺Skylark-

2149 S Halsted St, Chicago, IL 60608

Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃1/2

💋Positives: Dark den vibe, the way I like it. Cool mixed characters. Ask yourself: Do you want to visit the oldest urinals in the city of Chicago? I personally didn't go into the men's bathroom, but my associate got the photo. The women's bathroom also has a great Instagram photo op. They have food! I tried the fried pickles and Panko breaded fried chicken breast and both were tasty. Awesomeness points: The pickles are whole, not just slices. Cozy booths. Simpsons Pinball machine. Secret society flag decor. $2 PBR drafts. $5 well drinks.

💋Negatives: No pool table. The chairs aren't that comfortable, but they do add divey cafeteria flair. There is a photo booth and I got excited about taking a photo, but sadly it was broken. Cash only.

💋Fun fact: Jail bars on the window outside are a nice touch.

2.18.2020

🍺Little Joe's on Taylor Street-

1041 W Taylor St, Chicago, IL 60607

Score: 🥃🥃🥃

💋 Positives: Authenticity points for vintage neon sign & being open since 1946. Drink prices get a WOW. $10 pitcher of PBR, $4 well drinks. If you're nearby, definitely worth a stop. Optimize your drinkie score here. Credit cards accepted.

💋Negatives: Not dirty enough for me. I prefer my dives to be worn-in. If you like a cleaner dive, this may be your place. I was there Saturday night and there wasn't much of a crowd.

💋Fun facts: This is the first time ownership has changed since 1946 and they will soon be reopening the kitchen. Will be back to review again once the new owners have settled in.

2.10.2020

🍺Rossi’s Liquors-

412 N State St, Chicago, IL 60654

Score: 🥃🥃🥃🥃1/2

💋Positives: Cozy, dingy dive gem in River North. Fun crowd with regulars. $3.50 PBR tall boy. $6 well drinks and Nick, the bartender, pours to win. It’s a Chicago slashie! Give love to Nick @rickjjansen

💋Negatives: Too small for a pool table or photo booth.

💋Fun facts: A lesbian once caressed my hair here. Regulars get to pick music playlists.

2.03.2020

🍺Jack’s Place-

618 W 18th St, Chicago, IL 60616

Score: 🥃🥃🥃1/2

💋Positives: Dingy inside and out. $6 well drinks. Authenticity points for creepy exterior. Pool table.

💋Negatives: Jukebox-pay $1 per song. Too empty for my liking.

💋Bonus dive points: It’s a slashie: doubles as a liquor store with 24oz PBR to go. @pabstblueribbon